Wife

There will never be, nor has there ever been someone more important, more caring, more loving, more understanding, more beautiful, more encouraging, more supporting, more forgiving, or more loyal in my life than you.

I love you more than words will ever allow me the luxury of elaborating on. You are everything to me, and without you behind me pushing me to be better I would be lost and alone. This time last year we were holding our breath waiting for that life changing moment where I stumbled through putting your wedding band on your finger and saying "I do". A phrase that will forever echo in my memory.

I still remember your face that day, staring into your eyes knowing that I married my best friend, knowing that I would love you and cherish you all the days I am alive, and into eternity.

I know lately we get lost in the struggle of our daily lives, and I know I do not stop enough to tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much I love you, but I want you to know that I do very much so, with every ounce of energy I have in me.

I could not, nor would I change anything about you, and I could not pick anyone better to spend my days with. So if I forget to tell you I love you, and you need to hear it, you can always come here and read it, and I will do my best to remember.

We did manage to get a lot done this year, though we have not met all of our goals, we did do a few things that bettered our position.

• we moved out of warren into a nicer house
• we have a back yard
• we had a beautiful baby girl
• you have almost finished your bachelors degree
• I am starting a new career
• we sold the bmw
• we bought a second car
• we figured out a method to raise our son that seems to work
• you got a part time job teaching dance, which you love
• I got over my fear of you teaching dance
• we got health insurance after a lot of back and forth
• we had fun at a toy store

And the list goes on....

I love you Sara Norman with all of my core, do not for a moment forget it.

Little help here please

So the other night I asked Aidan to pick up an easel in his room, he said "Ok daddy" and began to lift it.

He got it to about waist level and then looked at me and grunted "a little help here please?"

I almost fell out of my shoes laughing.

Later that night we got every cushion and every pillow in the house and created a giant mountain on the stairs and began playing king of the hill, it was a blast and we both got much needed time spent together.

I notice that when I do give him attention he is much more receptive to following direction and listening.

I still need to find a balance between work, family, and website work, all three things are necessary, and all three things have a direct affect on our future.

Stay the course (note to self)

This is one of those times when they tell you to stand your ground. To not give up, to not throw in the towel and run the other way. This is the point of the road where it is the most steep, and even though I may slip and slide down a few feet you can rest assured that I will not give up. I will regain my footing and push forward, no matter how difficult it gets.

Work sucks, deal with it and get through it. And remember you love your family very much, and you boast often about being out fighting for them every day, just take care to remember that when Aidan doesn't listen to you, and you want to yell. Or when your nine month pregnant wife is uncomfortable and snaps at you.

Remember that a man who is peaceful 100 times will have a peaceful home.

You will get through this, you are made to get through this, and you have the constitution to stick with it.

I cannot be conquered.

From my wife

Mrs. Darling: There are many different kinds of bravery. There's the bravery of thinking of others before one's self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.
Michael: Where did he put them?
Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave.

This is one of the sweetest things she has ever sent me.

I love you baby!

To my Daughter

My dear sweet Savannah,

The final weeks leading up to your arrival were a difficult time for me as I feel as though I have been struggling to provide for your Mother and your Brother. Although things at this moment could be a lot worse, which is what most people are saying including your Grandmother, I hope to look back at all this with your mother some day and laugh it off.

We both wished for you so long ago. Your mother will tell you someday how she knew the both of us were going to get married before I did. But I will own up to knowing my first born daughter would always come while your mom was convinced you would be a boy. You should have seen how much your mother cried when she found out you were a girl, she was so very happy. Certainly I have waited for you all of my life, as I spent my days growing up wishing to be a father and the best one at that.

Though for the moment I struggle with an internal conflict, as certain things will and have changed with your imminent arrival. But these things I let go of to become a better person. I quit smoking when your mother was about a month pregnant with you. I started taking TaeKwonDo such that I could someday teach it to you and your brother, and protect you two and your mother if ever needed. Now in the weeks leading up to you joining us, the last in my life is cast aside to be reserved for Vacations alone with your Mother. Which to me is a sign that I am no longer young any more.

Your mother has a tatoo of a phoenix on her arm, when your brother was born, much like the phoenix, she had to burn out and then be born again from the ashes to fly to new heights. I am feeling much like that phoenix, burning out only to rise again to new heights and to burn ever so brightly.

I am ready for you now, ready to always protect you, and to fight for you as I do for your mother and brother. I will always be here for you and I will always try my best to make sure you have the things that you want and need.

I am patiently waiting to meet you, my daughter.

With all my love,

Daddy

WTF

I need to get my fking shit together.

Squire Aidan

I'm starting to realize lately just how much Aidan looks up to me and wants to be just like me.

The other day he carried a 12 pack of soda from the car up the stairs into the kitchen while saying the whole time "look daddy I'm strong just like you".

At home during the day he does what he can to help his mommy who is almost seven months pregnant. He is already starting to show his nobility, and his willingness to do the right thing. Knightly values I will impart on all of my sons such that they will all carry my grandfather's name with honor and dignity. I see him years from now as a leader and someone who stands up for justice and always does what is honorable and correct, someone who doesn't give up when things get tough, and someone who will protect the meek from the mighty.

Fatherhood is everything I dreamed it would be, I'm just glad I was right all those years ago.

Fight Night 3

For weeks now I have watched my 275 pound Red/Black belt instructor continuously beat people when allowed to go to the ground at fight night. Having a significant weight advantage allows him to basically flop down on people and pin them.

Last night for the last part of fight night we had to fight in the dark. There was very minimal light in the Do-Jang and sadly I have all white gear, which made it easy for my instructor to spot me in the dark. I thought if I could just move quickly and circle he wouldn't be able to plant and attack. That strategy worked for a short while as I was able to land a few kicks unblocked.

He tried to take me to the ground, and was shocked when I didn't just lay there and get pinned. I immediately rolled to my stomach and put him in a choke hold with him on top of me. The Grandmaster broke us up and we went back to standing.

I went right in for a hip toss and again we ended up back on the ground. I was shocked that I could roll him over with his huge weight advantage, I was able to turn him over five or six times with ease. All that working out I have been doing for months paid off last night. Speed=power, and I was amazed at how easily I was able to escape. I ended up on top with my chin buried in his back.

That is when the owner flipped the lights back on, I heard him say something like "I have got to see this". The lights came up and the whole school went crazy when they saw I had my instructor pinned.

I do not think anyone has ever seen him lose a wrestling match.

After the match my instructor told me I was a good wrestler and very fast. It felt good too. I remember watching him wrestle other people and thinking to myself, "I would never let him do that to me."

I think that is why I get so pissed off when I watch the MMA bullshit and UFC crap on TV and watch these guys get thrown into ridiculous holds. Things that would never happen if they wrestled in high school.

Things to remember this week: Speed=Power, a theory I have read that proved correct. I still need to hide behind my gaurd and get low when I get attacked instead of swaying away. A bad habit I developed years ago.

New Divide- Linkin Park

I remembered black skies / the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash / as time began to blur
Like a startling sign / that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong /
to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide
There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in / between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide
In every loss / in every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret / and each goodbye was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies Across this new divide

New Divide-Linkin Park

Fight Night 2

I missed posting this last week and need to get it up before I forget about it. I had developed a strategy for the second degree black belt that I had thought about all week and applied it at fight night. My plan was to get inside and take away the distance, and strip from my adversary the ability to kick at me. I was planning on getting in close and unleashing a flurry of punches timed out and placed exactly where I wanted them.

The result was perfect. I moved in with a Jab, then another Jab, then a Hook around his defense, and I finished with an Uppercut. All of which landed, and was followed by a "nice uppercut" from the owner of the school.

I also managed to land an inside to out back leg crescent kick.

It was a three minute fight which at the end I was out of breath. He waited until I tired out and asked me if I was tired, I said yessir, and he unloaded on me.

I have a long way to go in order to catch up with the black belt. Which I will one day. I view it as a Ken-Ryu type relationship. He helped me out after the fight and said it was much better than the first, he also told me to exhale when I punch or kick to keep my breath going.

I applied that in the next fight against a Red-black belt and found my stamina to be much better. Again I went inside with the punching combos and I kept catching this kid with his guard down. I'm constantly moving side to side and circling, which I found keeps my opponents from planting their feet and unleashing combos on me. It forces them to catch me on the move, and makes it harder for them to hit me. This was more than this kid could handle because I kept circling and striking. So much so that the owner of the school asked "why is my red-black belt not in control of this ring right now?". I was really embarrassed however when the owner said "stop", I thought he had said "what did you guys stop?" or something along those lines because the kid dropped his guard and I hit him square in the face twice. I must have apologized three times after the fight to him.

And that was it, two fights, and I learned a lot more about myself in the matter of breath control, and I proved to myself that getting inside worked. I really need to start running so I can work on bettering my stamina, so I can last in these fights.

Mancave

So my wife, for my birthday, bought me an entire room where I can go be alone. Its my very own big-kid playroom and it is freaking fantastic. On top of it being fully furnished from Ikea it also came with a beer mug big enough to hold 2 and a half beers. I gave that sucker a test run last night.

I cannot wait to have my boys over to hang out in my new room. I'm truly lucky to have such a thoughtful and loving wife. That room is like my little hole on this planet where I can go and relax after the long days.

To my wife...

I want you to always remember while work takes me away from you, you must know that my favorite part of the day is the hour I get to spend with you at the end.

Remember that I am out fighting for us.

Remember that this is not forever.

And most of all, remember who I sleep next to at the end of the night.

Remember that you are my best friend.

Remember that you are the best mom on the planet to our three year old.

And remember that these last six months will be forgotten in another year.

Pretty soon you will have a beautiful baby girl staring up at you in awe, and relying on you to care for her. I want her to see how happy her mom is, because surely this is going to leave a mark on us for the rest of our lives.

Remember to infinity and beyond, because our vows carry us into the next life and ripple out through eternity.

Remember that I will protect and uphold them, because there is no greater code of honor than "I do". Remember that my body is my sword, and it must stay sharp in order to defend its family.

Before you remember any of this, know that I love you very much, those three words carry so much meaning in them, and I do not want you to ever get tired of hearing them.

Fight Night 1

Fight Night 1: I got my ass kicked.

Yesterday was the first night I got to participate in Thursday Night Fight night. Of course the owner of my school, who visits me frequently at Outback, told me the first night I was going to fight him. He is the school's best fighter (hands down). He is a sixteen year old second degree black belt who is very mature for his age and teaches the advanced class (which has upwards of 30 students)

Don't you know I was the first fight to happen last night. He started out taking it easy on me, but when I caught him flinching and punched him in the face he unleashed what I thought was an eight move combo on me. As soon as I blocked a kick, there were three behind it, followed by quite a few punches. I managed to block most of it but did get stuck in the face a few times. I was ducking under kicks aiming for my head and dodging punches by swinging my head backwards.

I was told not to duck and not to dodge, but to get in and hide behind my hands. Lets face it, I was fighting sloppy. The rest of the fight I spent dodging flurries of moves and occasionally landing a punch, but never landing a kick.

I have never sweat so much in my life. And I was physically wasted half way through the fight to the point where I could barely hold my breath and keep moving.

I will need to start running and get my endurance back up. I'll also have to erase old fighting habits of dodging and ducking and learn to either get out of the way or block and counter.

After the fight we touched gloves and he (Kieth) told me I fought good. After class we talked again and I told him I have a lot to learn, and he said don't worry about it, you should have seen me when I first fought.

After that fight I fought a green belt (one belt higher than me). She must have been 14 or 15 years old, almost as tall as me. I really took it easy because there were parents watching, and toned down my speed and power. The owner of the school was barking at me to really unleash on her, and I wasn't about to do that for two reasons, she was much younger than me, and her mom is probably watching.

I ended up fighting her a second time and took the same approach.

Then I fought a blue belt (two belts ahead of me) who is a good fighter, but from watching him for weeks I knew he likes to throw kicks three or four at a time. I kept circling around him and kept the offense going so he couldn't. He was backing up (which is bad, you want to circle around your opponent, not give ground) so I started lightening up. He did throw a few kick combos and managed to land a few unblocked.

All in all it was a blast! I can't wait to do it again next week!

Panic Switch by Silversun Pickups

Time
It's never worth my time
Blue shine
Bleeds into my eyes

I still
Sleep on the right side
Of the white noise
Can't leave the scene behind

Could I be anything you want me to be
It's always meant to be seen

[Chorus]
When you see yourself in a crowded room
Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped?
And will you step in line or release the glitch?
And can you fall asleep with a panic switch?

And when you see yourself in a crowded room
Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped?
Will you step in line or release the glitch?
Do you think she'll sleep with the panic...

Mm, I'll try
To hold on tight tonight
Pink slip
Inviting me inside
Wanna burn skin
And brand what once was mine
But the red views
Keep ripping the divide

If I go everywhere you want me to go
How will I know you'll still follow?

[Chorus]

I'm waiting and fading and floating away
I'm waiting and fading and floating away
I'm waiting and fading and floating away
Waiting and fading and floating

I'm waiting and fading and floating away
Waiting and fading and floating away
Waiting and fading and floating away
Waiting and fading, waiting and fading

Moving on Up!

So this weekend went off without a hitch... well with one hitch.... We had very good support from our whole family which was nice. We were able to knock out the entire apartment in two trips. The second trip consisted of five trucks, my buddy Jay's two trucks, my mother-in-law's truck, my grandfather's truck and my uncles truck. We took the slow route down Newport ave. During which Jay sent me a text message saying "I feel like we're in that tornado movie looking for tornadoes", rightfully so, because it was like a five truck convoy which was neat.

Sunday night Jay and I went back to the apartment and broke down two desks, two shelves and an entertainment center all made out of particle board. The fat bastard downstairs called the cops on us. We left after we loaded up and headed to my Grandfather's house and unloaded the wood into the burning tank.

Sadly yesterday I got a call from my grandfather saying he could not burn that wood because of the plastic wood grain pattern coating on it.

I spent half of Monday with him cutting all that wood up into 15"x4" boards and stuffing them into vinyl bags. All of which are sitting in front of my new place today.

This morning was wonderful, it was very sunny out when I woke up and it was a beautiful sight when I went downstairs to see how bright the inside of the new place was. The sunlight hits the trees around our second floor almost dead on filling the inside with a very peaceful green light. It was very calming and tranquil to me. There are actually birds chirping outside as opposed to trucks whipping by. This is what a home should feel like when you are there. My wife did a fantastic job finding this place for us. I really think she will be happy here above all.

I was even more pleased with this move when it took me ten minutes from when I got on the highway to the door at my day job. No more 40 minute to 1 hour commutes in traffic.

So a couple more weeks of settling in and finding a morning routine and we'll be back on track.

Finally we're moving on up in life, and really truly starting fresh down the road a family should be heading down.

Wednesday catch up

Saturday I drove Sara to the hospital because she was getting out of breath just standing there. After a grueling couple of hours of work I left early to meet her at Rhode Island Hospital because she told me they were admitting her. It all ended fine when all of the tests they took came back normal. My mom took Aidan on his first over night

Sunday was Mother's day and I picked Aidan up in the morning and brought him home. When we got there he woke Mommy up with a "good morning mommy, happy mother's day" and handed her flowers. He was so excited. I told him that sometimes girls cry when they get flowers cause they are happy. He asked Sara if she was going to cry. "Are you going to cry mommy?" Of course she didn't but it was cute. I spent the rest of the day at work.

Monday I took Aidan shopping with me for new work shirts, and played baseball with him at my Mom's house. I practiced in the afternoon, and headed down to the Do Jang early to prepare for my belt test. I took the belt test and passed. Monday night I went with Mom2 to the new place to unload the first run of boxes. Jay met us there to help out. I also picked up keys to our new apartment while my wife was home recovering from her cold.

Tuesday I worked both jobs. The highlight of the day was when my wife called telling me she couldn't breath and was panicing, and I told her to control her breathing and take deep breaths, and to not panic and she was able to over come her shortness of breath almost instantly.

Today I am working both jobs, and practicing.

Perseverance

Confucious said; "one who is impatient in trivial matters can seldom achieve success in matters of great importance."

And through practice of the trivial these last few days, I am noticing an increase in confidence, better technique, better balance, and more respect for each integrate form.

Perseverance is one of Taekwon-do's Tenets, or one of the Aims to Achieve, this is the most practical application of this Tenet. I will remember not to get frustrated doing the trivial as I did a few days ago, instead, know that through practice of the trivial will enable me advance further, both in training, as well as physically and mentally.

Shopping for Savvy

I never thought in my life I would enjoy shopping (or at least choosing for our baby registry) at Babies'R'us. But I do in fact love it. I think it is mostly due to the fact that while I am walking around the store, I am picturing what it is going to be like to have a little baby "in that crib" or "with that bib on" in my head. I imagine what it is going to be like to change her on a changing table or hold her in my arms as I rock her in those sick rocking chairs I like. All the while I am falling in love with the idea of having a daughter.

Every time I imagine it I am even more excited about it than before. I cannot wait until she gets here, and I know deep in my heart she is the reason why I have been pushing myself so hard these last few months.

I want to be prepared for when she gets here, and I want to make sure she has all she needs and my wife has the tools she need to properly care for her.

In a way, this little girl that is on her way, already has me wrapped around her finger, and believe it or not I'm completely fine with it.

Frustrating Class

Today's class was very frustrating to me. Primarily because I am a white belt trying to work to my last stripe before I can test for my yellow belt, I have earned two out of the three so far (One for my Chon-Ji form, and the other for my one step sparring technique). My instructor today had us work on things we have been working on the last few classes and it was frustrating. The younger student in my class who has ranked up almost at the same time I have so far was not focused in class, and about ten minutes of class time was spent reprimanding him for it. While I understand he is young and discipline is a trait that is learned, at the same time this is getting in the way of my forward progression. Perhaps I am a bit too selfish, but it is as Mr. Woodside had put it, "Either you want your yellow belt or you don't, if you don't then take your belt of and leave, and tell your dad you don't want this, if you do then pay attention and listen."

I spent most of my time staring at the wall in front of me while the younger student was getting attention for the same mistakes he has been having trouble with for weeks.

I personally need to work out some sort of practice regiment, every day half an hour at least on the small stuff like stances, and strikes. Also I need to spend 15 minutes each day stretching so I can become more flexable. I did not like being corrected for my comfortable sparring position tonight, nor some of the more trivial blocks. I also need to remember to keep my shoulders in line with my hips, and parallel to the wall I am facing when performing my Chon-Ji form.

I know I am almost there, I can feel it, and each class while changing in the men's room I tell myself "I'm going to earn my black stripe today", and the last few classes I have not. I think I did well controlling my anger in class every time we were stopped for my fellow students antics, as well as when I was critized for small stuff.

I was so frustrated today I came home and practiced for another hour.

Lessons learned today: I need to practice more, and I need to memorize VERBATIM the definition of Chon-Ji, one word wrong or not I need to know it in and out. If I try harder like I always do I can succeed.

Martial Arts, my body, and my goals

Currently I am taking Tae Kwon Do at Semper Fi Tae Kwon Do in Swansea Ma. I met the owner one night at Outback. Him and his wife were there to eat dinner and I noticed the school's logo on his jacket. I had asked him whether or not he was an instructor. He told me that he owns a school in Swansea. For the next two hours him and I talked about his school, something he was clearly passionate about.

I joined that school a month ago today, I have attended nine classes already. Currently I am a white belt with two stripes, and one more stripe away from being able to test for my yellow belt. I missed martial arts thoroughly over the last ten years. I had always said I was going to return and that I had wanted to and meeting Gil Woodside that one night at Outback changed everything for me. Hearing him talk about his school and his students inspired me to join.

Out of 100 white belt students, only 2 receive their black belt. I will be one of those two. When I finally test for my black belt years from now, I can look back on it knowing I made the right decision, and that I have finally earned a life-time achievement I can put next to Husband, Father, and Engineer.

Dr. Woodside is now one of my mentors and I look up to him. He is an x-marine who served two tours, a third degree blackbelt, taught as a history teacher for over 30 years among many other achievements. Yesterday was a great day for me because I had expressed interest in one day instructing at his school, and he informed me that he already had me pegged as a future full-time instructor. Something I would genuinely enjoy, and something my children could benefit from as well. (Aidan anyways)

I have been strength training now for almost three months, and I've reached the point where I need to decide if I want to gain more weight, or start working on my endurance which would entail more reps of lighter weight. I have packed on nearly 25 pounds since I began, made my eating habits much better, and I feel stronger. I'm currently doing the Stronglifts 5x5 program and I love it, every time I work out I have a new challenge as it is 5 sets of 5 reps adding 5 pounds every workout. Currently I am benching 110 pounds, squatting 115 pounds, overhead pressing 75 pounds, which doesn't seem like a lot, but I can do it 25 times in the minimum in one session.


My goal for the next three months is to be able to bench my body weight, squat my body weight, and over head press 100 pounds for the full five sets of five reps. I would also like to stretch for fifteen minutes every morning I wake up so I can make my kicks as high as possible.

I am training now so that someday I can compete in tournaments and fight for my school.

All of this would not have happened if I did not have such a loving and caring wife behind me, coaching me and pushing me to reach my goals.

The Full Effect of Dale Carnegie

Weeks ago, after almost a year of catalog and data sheet production for a boss who seemingly would not budge on his ancient marketing strategy, I convinced him to go to a single page illustrating all of the companies we make sockets for. He liked the idea, I told him he does not have to give an answer now, but think about it while he was away on vacation. I told him he could save 2500.00 in catalogs and be able to mail this single sheet out to more companies for less money than sending them catalogs.

Sure enough this morning the sales manager came to me this morning and pitched the idea back to me, stating that her and the president were talking about it.

She pitched back to me all of the original points I made to him.

This is what I call the Dale Carnegie method in it's full effect. While I won't take credit for the idea in front of them, I was able to get what I wanted out of them by letting them think it was there idea to begin with.

Thanks Dale, you're my hero.

Aegis Paternus

The title of my blog has a sincere meaning to me. It means Shield of the Father. Here is where I will post my thoughts on raising a family and living life with the wonderful (though venom spitting at times) woman of my dreams, and doing what I can to take care of them.