This is one of those times when they tell you to stand your ground. To not give up, to not throw in the towel and run the other way. This is the point of the road where it is the most steep, and even though I may slip and slide down a few feet you can rest assured that I will not give up. I will regain my footing and push forward, no matter how difficult it gets.
Work sucks, deal with it and get through it. And remember you love your family very much, and you boast often about being out fighting for them every day, just take care to remember that when Aidan doesn't listen to you, and you want to yell. Or when your nine month pregnant wife is uncomfortable and snaps at you.
Remember that a man who is peaceful 100 times will have a peaceful home.
You will get through this, you are made to get through this, and you have the constitution to stick with it.
I cannot be conquered.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
From my wife
Mrs. Darling: There are many different kinds of bravery. There's the bravery of thinking of others before one's self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.
Michael: Where did he put them?
Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave.
This is one of the sweetest things she has ever sent me.
I love you baby!
Michael: Where did he put them?
Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave.
This is one of the sweetest things she has ever sent me.
I love you baby!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
To my Daughter
My dear sweet Savannah,
The final weeks leading up to your arrival were a difficult time for me as I feel as though I have been struggling to provide for your Mother and your Brother. Although things at this moment could be a lot worse, which is what most people are saying including your Grandmother, I hope to look back at all this with your mother some day and laugh it off.
We both wished for you so long ago. Your mother will tell you someday how she knew the both of us were going to get married before I did. But I will own up to knowing my first born daughter would always come while your mom was convinced you would be a boy. You should have seen how much your mother cried when she found out you were a girl, she was so very happy. Certainly I have waited for you all of my life, as I spent my days growing up wishing to be a father and the best one at that.
Though for the moment I struggle with an internal conflict, as certain things will and have changed with your imminent arrival. But these things I let go of to become a better person. I quit smoking when your mother was about a month pregnant with you. I started taking TaeKwonDo such that I could someday teach it to you and your brother, and protect you two and your mother if ever needed. Now in the weeks leading up to you joining us, the last in my life is cast aside to be reserved for Vacations alone with your Mother. Which to me is a sign that I am no longer young any more.
Your mother has a tatoo of a phoenix on her arm, when your brother was born, much like the phoenix, she had to burn out and then be born again from the ashes to fly to new heights. I am feeling much like that phoenix, burning out only to rise again to new heights and to burn ever so brightly.
I am ready for you now, ready to always protect you, and to fight for you as I do for your mother and brother. I will always be here for you and I will always try my best to make sure you have the things that you want and need.
I am patiently waiting to meet you, my daughter.
With all my love,
Daddy
The final weeks leading up to your arrival were a difficult time for me as I feel as though I have been struggling to provide for your Mother and your Brother. Although things at this moment could be a lot worse, which is what most people are saying including your Grandmother, I hope to look back at all this with your mother some day and laugh it off.
We both wished for you so long ago. Your mother will tell you someday how she knew the both of us were going to get married before I did. But I will own up to knowing my first born daughter would always come while your mom was convinced you would be a boy. You should have seen how much your mother cried when she found out you were a girl, she was so very happy. Certainly I have waited for you all of my life, as I spent my days growing up wishing to be a father and the best one at that.
Though for the moment I struggle with an internal conflict, as certain things will and have changed with your imminent arrival. But these things I let go of to become a better person. I quit smoking when your mother was about a month pregnant with you. I started taking TaeKwonDo such that I could someday teach it to you and your brother, and protect you two and your mother if ever needed. Now in the weeks leading up to you joining us, the last in my life is cast aside to be reserved for Vacations alone with your Mother. Which to me is a sign that I am no longer young any more.
Your mother has a tatoo of a phoenix on her arm, when your brother was born, much like the phoenix, she had to burn out and then be born again from the ashes to fly to new heights. I am feeling much like that phoenix, burning out only to rise again to new heights and to burn ever so brightly.
I am ready for you now, ready to always protect you, and to fight for you as I do for your mother and brother. I will always be here for you and I will always try my best to make sure you have the things that you want and need.
I am patiently waiting to meet you, my daughter.
With all my love,
Daddy
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Squire Aidan
I'm starting to realize lately just how much Aidan looks up to me and wants to be just like me.
The other day he carried a 12 pack of soda from the car up the stairs into the kitchen while saying the whole time "look daddy I'm strong just like you".
At home during the day he does what he can to help his mommy who is almost seven months pregnant. He is already starting to show his nobility, and his willingness to do the right thing. Knightly values I will impart on all of my sons such that they will all carry my grandfather's name with honor and dignity. I see him years from now as a leader and someone who stands up for justice and always does what is honorable and correct, someone who doesn't give up when things get tough, and someone who will protect the meek from the mighty.
Fatherhood is everything I dreamed it would be, I'm just glad I was right all those years ago.
The other day he carried a 12 pack of soda from the car up the stairs into the kitchen while saying the whole time "look daddy I'm strong just like you".
At home during the day he does what he can to help his mommy who is almost seven months pregnant. He is already starting to show his nobility, and his willingness to do the right thing. Knightly values I will impart on all of my sons such that they will all carry my grandfather's name with honor and dignity. I see him years from now as a leader and someone who stands up for justice and always does what is honorable and correct, someone who doesn't give up when things get tough, and someone who will protect the meek from the mighty.
Fatherhood is everything I dreamed it would be, I'm just glad I was right all those years ago.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Fight Night 3
For weeks now I have watched my 275 pound Red/Black belt instructor continuously beat people when allowed to go to the ground at fight night. Having a significant weight advantage allows him to basically flop down on people and pin them.
Last night for the last part of fight night we had to fight in the dark. There was very minimal light in the Do-Jang and sadly I have all white gear, which made it easy for my instructor to spot me in the dark. I thought if I could just move quickly and circle he wouldn't be able to plant and attack. That strategy worked for a short while as I was able to land a few kicks unblocked.
He tried to take me to the ground, and was shocked when I didn't just lay there and get pinned. I immediately rolled to my stomach and put him in a choke hold with him on top of me. The Grandmaster broke us up and we went back to standing.
I went right in for a hip toss and again we ended up back on the ground. I was shocked that I could roll him over with his huge weight advantage, I was able to turn him over five or six times with ease. All that working out I have been doing for months paid off last night. Speed=power, and I was amazed at how easily I was able to escape. I ended up on top with my chin buried in his back.
That is when the owner flipped the lights back on, I heard him say something like "I have got to see this". The lights came up and the whole school went crazy when they saw I had my instructor pinned.
I do not think anyone has ever seen him lose a wrestling match.
After the match my instructor told me I was a good wrestler and very fast. It felt good too. I remember watching him wrestle other people and thinking to myself, "I would never let him do that to me."
I think that is why I get so pissed off when I watch the MMA bullshit and UFC crap on TV and watch these guys get thrown into ridiculous holds. Things that would never happen if they wrestled in high school.
Things to remember this week: Speed=Power, a theory I have read that proved correct. I still need to hide behind my gaurd and get low when I get attacked instead of swaying away. A bad habit I developed years ago.
Last night for the last part of fight night we had to fight in the dark. There was very minimal light in the Do-Jang and sadly I have all white gear, which made it easy for my instructor to spot me in the dark. I thought if I could just move quickly and circle he wouldn't be able to plant and attack. That strategy worked for a short while as I was able to land a few kicks unblocked.
He tried to take me to the ground, and was shocked when I didn't just lay there and get pinned. I immediately rolled to my stomach and put him in a choke hold with him on top of me. The Grandmaster broke us up and we went back to standing.
I went right in for a hip toss and again we ended up back on the ground. I was shocked that I could roll him over with his huge weight advantage, I was able to turn him over five or six times with ease. All that working out I have been doing for months paid off last night. Speed=power, and I was amazed at how easily I was able to escape. I ended up on top with my chin buried in his back.
That is when the owner flipped the lights back on, I heard him say something like "I have got to see this". The lights came up and the whole school went crazy when they saw I had my instructor pinned.
I do not think anyone has ever seen him lose a wrestling match.
After the match my instructor told me I was a good wrestler and very fast. It felt good too. I remember watching him wrestle other people and thinking to myself, "I would never let him do that to me."
I think that is why I get so pissed off when I watch the MMA bullshit and UFC crap on TV and watch these guys get thrown into ridiculous holds. Things that would never happen if they wrestled in high school.
Things to remember this week: Speed=Power, a theory I have read that proved correct. I still need to hide behind my gaurd and get low when I get attacked instead of swaying away. A bad habit I developed years ago.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
New Divide- Linkin Park
I remembered black skies / the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash / as time began to blur
Like a startling sign / that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong /
to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide
There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in / between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide
In every loss / in every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret / and each goodbye was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies Across this new divide
New Divide-Linkin Park
I remembered each flash / as time began to blur
Like a startling sign / that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong /
to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide
There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in / between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide
In every loss / in every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret / and each goodbye was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies Across this new divide
New Divide-Linkin Park
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